Not to worry...It's not rude! 5 Common Wedding Etiquette Questions Answered

To request, or not to request—that is the question. Over the years, these types of questions come up from time to time as my clients and I are preparing for their wedding day. Depending on your lifestyle, there may be things that you and your Spouse-to-Be specifically want (or don’t want) that may be outside traditional norms. Well, not to fear, because I am here to set your mind at ease. If no one else tells you, here it is: IT’S NOT RUDE! It’s all in how you say it, and not necessarily what you say that will make the best impact for your request.

So exhale, and relax. Here are the 5 most common questions I get about wedding requests and etiquette.

How Do We Request Cash Instead Of Gifts?

Money, Money, Money! Who doesn’t need more of it, especially while planning a wedding? If you don’t mind, I will use my own personal wedding experience to explain how to request this properly.

My Hubs and I had lived together for quite some time before getting engaged. We already had a lot of furnishings and necessities when we bought our first home during our engagement. We didn’t need the typical gifts like bath towels, dishes, or items you find on a registry. So, on our wedding website, we explained to our guests that we would like a monetary gift to help pay for our honeymoon. IT WORKED! People totally understood because most of our guests had known both of us for years, and knew we were planning our honeymoon to take place the following summer. Giving people a good explanation as to why you don’t want traditional gifts helps them make the best decision on how much to give. Keep in mind, good wedding etiquette says you should never indicate you want money (or any particular gifts for that matter) on your invitation. Leave that info and similar for your wedding website.

Other ways you can express that you would like cash:

• Use and online wedding registry like Honeyfund on your wedding website to easily have cash deposited into your account.

• Have your family and wedding party help spread the word.

• Make sure you have a card box that can be easily located at the wedding.

Do I Have To Invite All My Co-workers?

Unless you work in a small office, or with a small team, I am usually not a fan of inviting co-workers. Any additional drama that can be avoided when wedding planning, should be! This group is called the “C list” for a reason. The A list is Family (and friends you consider as such), the B list consists of close friends, and the C list is for Co-workers…aptly named. This group should be saved for last to be sure all the family you want to invite can make it. I would definitely say if you are looking to invite co-workers, only invite those that you hang out with outside of work, and keep the invitation hand-off on the low! I would invite your work BFFs out for drinks, and hand the invite to them with the knowledge that only those few were invited. Politely remind them not to share your big day news around the water cooler to contain awkwardness in the office.

How Do We Say “No Children Allowed” For Our Wedding?

If you or your Fiancé don’t have children, then having them attend your wedding may be a bit much for you to handle. Kids, although adorable, can also be a budget buster! Adding them increases the guest count greatly, resulting in needing a larger venue. It may also mean adding a whole other menu to your reception. I mean, I love a good chicken finger, but not so much to add $20 more per head! Here are some ways to say leave the kids at home:

• '“Please note this is an adult-only celebration.”

• “We respectfully request no children under the age of 16 at the reception.”

• “Due to the limited space, adults only please.”

I do tell clients to add any of these phrases tastefully at the bottom of the invitation, or on a physical R.S.V.P. card.

How Do We Ask Guests Not To Take Pics During The Ceremony?

You’ve hired a photographer because you want your wedding day to be reflected in the best way possible. All your good angles will be caught with an amazing HD lens, you will see how your dress glows at sunset, and the way your Fiancé smiles at you when saying your vows. Sometimes the candid shots from guests workout, and they can catch some wonderful moments between you and your new spouse. The last thing you need is someone snapping a shot of you in pre-sneeze mode, or awkwardly adjusting your dress pants. Some great ideas to stop the sideline snaps are:

• Add it to your wedding website! This gives people time to absorb your request not to take or post photos on social media.

• Post a sign near the ceremony saying “Welcome to Our UNPLUGGED Wedding!”.

• Ask the Officiant to remind your guests before the ceremony starts not to take photos.

We Don’t Drink, Should We Still Have A Bar?

It’s totally possible to have an amazing wedding without having a bar. If you don’t drink, there should never be a problem with your guests understanding that you are intending on having a “dry wedding” because the celebration is in the nuptials. There are many other reasons why couples may be questioning if they should have a bar at their wedding. One reason can be that the cost of alcohol can be a bit much for their budget when considering the guest count. Another reason could be that the venue requires you to have additional security if anything other than beer and wine is served. While I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer to this question, I am just a bit more in favor of having a bar, because I am simply a sucker for a great party. Here are some options to try if you want a bar and the budget may be getting thin:

• Limit the bar selections to beer and wine only.

• Serve a specialty cocktail that’s popular with everyone, like Margaritas, but offer different flavors.

• (And my fave) Have a Stock the Bar Party! This is great for couples who want the full bar, but want to conserve funds. I love doing this as an engagement party because instead of getting standard gifts, each guest brings a bottle of their favorite wine or alcoholic beverage to serve at the wedding. If you don’t want to keep the alcohol, make cute tags to put on the neck of the bottles and the guests can take their bottles home. If bottles are opened, please remember to put them safely away in the trunk of your car!

Bonus: Should We Make Our Guests Wear Masks?

Due to CoVid, this is a new concern for not only the couple but for invited guests as well. Venues and vendors alike have all adopted new safety measures to ensure that all involved are as safe as possible. It’s important to remember that there is a lot of movement at weddings. Guests head to the venue for the ceremony, then to cocktail hour, then to the reception, and it’s hard to eat and drink with a mask on for obvious reasons. I have said to all my clients, I would not make masks a priority, but an option to anyone who may be uncomfortable. My last two wedding clients gave cute masks and sanitizers as small gifts at the entryway to their ceremony. Those who wanted it could grab one at their convenience. This way, no one feels obligated or shunned for their comfort level choices.

Top: Coleman Wedding ‘20

Bottom: Joseph/Jackson Wedding ‘20

I hope I was able to help you decide the best ways to communicate some of your wants and needs to your wedding guests. At its core, clarity is key for a successful wedding (and marriage). For information on how we can help you plan your wedding or any upcoming event, feel free to contact us to get started.

Keep it Chic!

XOXO,

Amaris